Stereolaffs News Archives
July 6
What's up everybody?!
What a couple weeks. Here's a little recap:
1. Boy starts label.
2. Boy puts out prank interview CD which meets with modest success.
3. Boy signs deal with local trash-talking self-proclaimed "King of Toilet Radio."
4.Boy finds out all 70,000 Toilet Tunes Vol. 1 CDs are being held at customs in Taiwan on obscenities violations.
5. Boy cancels "King of Toilet Radio" instore at Record Ron's because of lack of product.
6. "King of Toilet Radio" goes ahead with instore anyway.
King of Toilet Radio, Rory Blake
7. "King of Toilet Radio" shows up drunk and presents own penis to hapless priest shopping for Anne Murray cassettes.
8. "King of Toilet Radio" begins doing routine featuring bits deemed too obscene for own album.
9. Boy is summoned to record store to help restrain "King of Toilet Radio."
10. "King of Toilet Radio," now totally nude, punches boy in neck and slanders him by making outrageous accusations in front of 200-300 onlookers.
11. Two days later, "King of Toilet Radio" is fired from radio station and leaves town, most of western Maine now believes boy enjoys sex with lunch meat.
Pretty cool stuff, eh?
Believe you me, I'm going to get back every cent I put up for that record if it takes going over to Taiwan to do it. Y'know what? That's exactly what I'm going to do. Grandpa Claude set aside some emergency money for me and this sure as fuck qualifies. Maybe I'll even do a little hang gliding while I'm up there.
see you in a couple weeks,
Mike Velndonom
June 5, 2000
What's up everybody?!
Things are really hopping here at Stereolaffs. We (my new intern Sherrie and I) are thrilled to tell you this little bit of news:
Stereolaffs Records will be releasing Rory Blake's Toilet Tunes Vol 1 in July 2000!
Rory needs no introduction if you have ever listened to 760 AM from the hours of 2:00-5:00 on Saturday mornings. As the self-proclaimed "Filthiest f*ck on your radio dial," Rory has been sending western Maine listeners into hysterics since his debut at the West Hoover station in November '99. He has been fined by the FCC 13 times in his illustrious career (that's 4 more than Howard Stern!) and shows no signs of backing down. Who can forget his infamous profanity-laced prank call to Billy Joel on the day of his divorce from Christie Brinkley on K102 FM in Kansas City?! Or the time he shoved a handful of dog droppings down the shirt of "funnyman" Rich Little at the Philadelphia Shriners Telethon in 1994? This man is a comedy god!
While Rory must tone down his act for the public airwaves, Toilet Tunes shows Mr. Blake at his uncensored dirtiest. We can't wait for you to hear this album! If you aren't on the floor in convulsions the first time you hear "Pant Pudding" or "Bone Patrol," you are beyond hope!
Rory will be embarking on an extensive tour of western Maine in early July. Keep an eye on this site for dates.
May 2, 2000
Hello everybody,
My name is Mike Velndonom, the founder of Stereolaffs records. It's been a dream of mine for many years to have a record label devoted to releasing hilarious new comedy recordings. Please pardon the stuffy heading of this page. Y'see, my grandfather, Claude Y. Velndonom III, is the one who gave me the start up money for this venture and he has been, well, a little more involved in the company than I would have liked. Grandpa Claude, if you don't already know, is one of the most successful construction contractors in western Maine. Recently Claude has been trying his best to become western Maine's premiere entertainment mogul.
Yes, I realize how insane this is. What's even more fucked-up is that my grandfather really has no interest in post-1960 popular music/art/culture at all. This whole thing started when his biggest competitor, Harold Mensforth (Mensforth Construction Inc.), put up the money for a local independent film called Mr. Dreamtime. The premiere was last month. It was in all the papers and it just caused my grandfather to blow a gasket. He cannot stand to be shown up by anybody, least of all his biggest construction rival. Anyhoo, Grandpa Claude, as usual, goes way overboard and begins investing in plays, movies, artists etc. His latest "victory" was the purchase of one of Western Maine's two bi-weekly music publications, Rave On magazine.
You're not alone in the notion that western Maine is undeserving of two music papers (the other one is called The Music Times). Both papers absolutely suck, and so does the music scene here. There are maybe six venues that present live music: The End Zone, The West Hoover Palladium, ChowderTown, Spanky's, Ray's Clam Hut and The Borderline Brew Pub. Each club features mostly lame cover bands like Zenith, Blues For Hire, The Bob Timmins Band and Top Flight, plus a smattering of Karaoke (!). There are a few original bands in the area like Goober Patrol, Stinkfoot, Radiant Dream and Whirled Peas, but they ain't too happening (I'm being nice here, people). I've taken the liberty of posting some excerpts from the unintentially hilarious Rave On for your reading pleasure.
Grandpa Claude says it's imperative that I keep you -the "interneting consumer"- abreast of all label news. Hey, we only have one record out so far so I don't know how much news there is really going to be. But, I will do as Grandpa requests. Claude has also demanded that he get his own "net space" to voice his ideas, hence the Claude's Corner page. I can't imagine he will ever take the time to write anything beyond this first post, so I figure, what the fuck.