March/April, 2001
Attention.
Let it be known that from this point forward yours truly will be carrying out his radio-related duties unassisted by anyone.
My former partner Rockin' and Boppin' Freddy has been relieved of his post and is back where he belongs: at his record store vending Moonglows albums.
Freddy is not the kind of soldier I want in my trench. The complaints started coming into the station just days after he went on the air with me. It seems Freddy was using his new-found celebrity to get just about anything he wanted: free car washes, concert tickets, guns, groceries, lap dances, etc,. Freddie even attacked State Police Patrolman Harrops after Harrops served him with a speeding ticket for going 98 mph in a 5mph zone. When reinforcements were called in Freddie laughed in their faces stating that "you're not going to mess with me --I'M ON THE FUCKING RADIO."
The final straw for me came when we hosted a live remote promotional event at Pirate Bill's Barnacle Burger Barge and Freddy intimated that he too was a member of the armed forces --a genuine Rear Admiral in the U.S. Navy. I told him that I would not tolerate such a blatant falsehood on my watch and that he should apologize instantly. When we came back from commercial he apologized by stating that what he meant to say was that he was admiring that fabulous rear-end on the woman dancing in front of us ----MY WIFE JOYCE. Words were exchanged and soon Freddy was off the premises. Joyce is recovering in the hospital and she thanks you all for your cards and letters.
The new format will be as follows:
4 minutes an hour of my military commentary and 56 minutes of music/advertising chosen by station owner Claude Y. Velndonom. Although I do not find this new format to my liking I will be a true soldier and do as commanded.
Record label news:
Label-owner Velndonom has stated that he would like to have more of a hands-on role in the company and has announced that The Greatest Speeches Of General Theodore Macy CD will not be coming out. Instead we will be releasing an album of Mr. Velndonom's greatest speeches (most of which are being written at this moment by some of Western Maine's greatest thinkers). The speeches will be recorded at the new state-of-the-art, 2-city-block-long 700-track recording facility Mr. Velndonom is building in West Hoover.
There will also be an interactive CD called Young Claude's Amazing Journey which chronicles "a young boy's escape from his lower-wealthy class beginnings to his becoming a God to the little people of a small northern New England region."
That is all for now.
At ease.