New York Live
'Springsteen of Western Maine' Has Tenth Avenue Freeze-Up, Chokes During Showcase
by
Jeb Norffle
Patrons at Kenny's Castaways were treated to an unusual "performance" last Sunday evening when western Maine "legend" (I'm quoting his bio) Bob Timmins brought his band...are you ready?....TIMMINS to New York. Word on the street (generated almost solely by his abrasive manager Walter Billups -the man behind Master Monsters of Rock, this summer's poorest- attended concert tour) was that this would be a performance to "rival and probably surpass" Bruce Springsteen's legendary Bottom Line shows of 1976.
You can imagine the excitement that washed over the audience when the front door of Kenny's swung open and revealed a white stretch limo sitting out front. Mr. Timmins emerged from the vehicle wearing cowboy boots, black jeans and a silver satin shirt. He cradled an Epiphone Les Paul model in his burly arms. Timmins made his way to the stage to the sounds of Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock and Roll," as three members of his road crew led the way with flashlights. Timmins took the stage, plugged his guitar in, stepped up to the mic and....did absolutely nothing. If you've ever seen the Brady Bunch episode where little Cindy goes on a children's trivia TV show and completely shuts down then you've got some idea what was witnessed that night.
At first, his bandmates shot confused glances at one another while they churned out the opening number's derivative, John Cafferty-esque chord sequence. Then things got surreal. When the music finally ground to a halt, you could barely make out a high-pitched whining sound coming from the glassy-eyed Timmins. At this point, the drummer got off his stool and walked off stage saying, "You'd never see Peter Wolf ice up like that. Later days, douche bag. " Soon after, a whimpering Timmins ran off the stage, out the door and into the street, where he was promptly struck by a motorcyclist. What happened next will no doubt be talked about for the next several years.
A crazed man in his late-'20s burst through the front window and began flinging excrement (reports conflict as to whether it was human or canine) at the already stunned patrons. No attempts were made to restrain him for fear of being soiled. The man (later identified as Tomas Laudermilk of Staten Island) stumbled to the stage, took hold of the mic and demanded that the two remaining members of the band play "She's So European," a song from Kiss' Unmasked lp. When the bassist and guitarist protested, saying they didn't know the song, Laudermilk smeared them with feces, dropped to the floor, and proceeded to breakdance. Laudermilk was forcibly removed by police several minutes later.
Timmins - suffering from a broken arm and torn ligaments in his upper neck- was released from St. Judes on the 27th. He is being sued by the ex-members of his road crew for non-payment, ex-drummer Cedric Daniels for damaging his reputation, ex-manger Walter Billups for fraud, and ex-merchandiser Corrine Billups for sexual harassment.