Claude Y. Velndonom
CEO Velndoco Entertainment Inc.
I would like to thank all of you who cast your vote for Velndonom for Commissioner of Western Maine. It's a shame that my opponents took a page from the Al Gore Handbook of Sore Losers and contested the victory. Everybody knows I won basically fair and square. I will say no more about this matter.
I hope you all enjoyed the celebration last week in Bentonton. Mandy Lynn and I sure did. The only negative experience was when I returned to the amphitheater at the end of the night and found my young fiancÚ and one the day's performers (I believe he is the rock guitarist in the group Heathen) engaged in the kind of sinful intercourse which does not beget children. After exploding with a rage I am told has not been seen around these parts since the Shiptown Boats lost the New England Rugby Championship back in 1932, I decided to give my loving angel another chance. I'm afraid to say that the same cannot be said for that young musician or others of his ilk.
As of today, December 11th, I, Commissioner Claude Y. Velndonom am placing a moratorium on "hard metallic rock."
Let me say that I am not against all rock and roll. I really have no opinion on it. Memory Lane, now that's more along my lines! Those guys really know who but the bomp where!
Mandy Lynn was at first violently irate about my decree but she came around to my way of thinking after meeting the acquaintance of a young singer friend of my niece named Bryce Chastain. Mandy has just flipped for his heartfelt brand of rock and roll. She's been spending enough time with him to qualify as his manager!
I wish you all a happy holiday and please do not be alarmed if you see many extra charges on you water bill this and in each ensuing month. I am planning something very special for you all. I don't want to ruin the surprise but don't be shocked if you happen to see some of Hollywood's brightest stars walking down Wharf Avenue very soon!
Claude Y. Velndonom