Who's Who In Western Maine
WESTERN MAINE: THE CLUSTER OF TOWNS (WEST HOOVER, BENTONTON, STONEBRIDGE, WEST BEDFORD, SHIPTOWN, ETC.) NESTLED BETWEEN CRAB LAKE AND THE DOOGANTON FOOTHILLS.
ALBABLAR, ALBAR: Turkish-born musician who relocated to western Maine. One half of the ALBAR ALBABLAR DUO, a band he formed with his son Albar Albablar, Jr.
BLAKE, RORY: The radio personality who was the self-appointed "King of Toilet Radio". Blake’s broadcasts got his stations in trouble with the FCC time and time again. Blake recorded a CD for STEREOLAFFS (Toilet Tunes Vol. 1), which was never released. Unfortunately Blake died during a pay-per-view broadcast. During an attempt to "orally pleasure" himself in a plexiglass box filled with bees, Blake was stung to death.
CD SUBMARINE: A local record chain now owned by Claude Velndonom. CD Submarine stores are known for two things – their nautical theme and their outrageous prices. A CD with a $18.98 list price usually sells for $21.55 at CD Submarine.
DUDLEY: A sandwich on a long roll, the name "Dudley" is a western Maine-specific regional nickname for what others call a submarine sandwich, a hoagie or a grinder. But there’s one difference – the people of western Maine were first introduced to the concept of eating such a sandwich in 1976, when local sandwich shop owner Henry James Dudley "invented" the concoction. There’s one significant difference between a Dudley and the rest of the sub-type sandwiches, though – Dudleys also contain scoops of cold seafood on them. For example, a popular Dudley is a ham, crab and cheese or a chicken parm with sea bass. Non-western Mainers seem to find this unappetizing for some reason. Claude Velndonom has recently opened several Dudley Emporiums.
KLAUSEN,
JEFF: Local writer,
who scripted the play JORDAN’S SPECTACULAR COAT OF DREAMS. Klausen is
currently co-writing the screenplay for LIGHTHOUSE, the Claude Velndonom-funded
remake of ROADHOUSE, with Velndonom’s main squeeze Mandy Lynn.
LARKINSON, MAJOR BRADFORD (active): A brave military man to the core, Major Bradford Larkinson (active) has long been a friend of Stereolaffs founder Claude Velndonom. In fact Larkinson actually saved Claude during a struggle in the Korean War. In 1979 Claude hired Larkinson to commandeer a privately-funded mission to rescue the hostages in Iran. The mission failed horribly but Claude never forgot Larkinson. When his grandson Mike was missing in Taiwan, Claude hired the Major to locate him. He was unable to find the missing Mike Velndonom, but Claude named Major Larkinson the acting President of Stereolaffs, Inc. While he is dedicated to the armed forces, Major Larkinson also has a bit of the performer’s bug in him as well. In the late 1970’s he recorded a record called "Disco Ayatollah", which remains unreleased (the master tapes have never been located). Larkinson is currently co-hosting a morning zoo radio program called 760 MORNING MADNESS WITH MARK AND THE DUDE with fellow broadcaster MAD MARK SABATINI.
LYNN, MANDY: Claude Velndonom's current on/off again fiancé. Claude met Ms Lynn when she was performing in her erotic dance troop The Bun Patrol at Filly's: A Gentlemen's Club.
PAPPAS, GEORGIO: Local musician constantly accused of deceiving or defrauding concert-goers through unscrupulous advertising. Pappas is responsible for THE MAMAS AND PAPPAS and LED ZEPPELIN, TOO, both of which he was legally forced to disband. Pappas is currently touring with THE ORIGINAL BEACH BOYS FEATURING BRIAN W., a band that doesn’t feature any actual Beach Boys.
RAVE ON MAGAZINE: The longest-running and only music publication documenting the western Maine music scene. RAVE ON had fourteen different owners throughout the 1990’s, culminating in CLAUDE VELNDONOM'S purchase of the magazine in 2000. Editor/writer PERRY SHEPHERD is the magazine’s driving force.
SHEPHERD, PERRY: One of the longest fixtures on the western Maine music scene has been rock critic Perry Shepherd. He’s been editor of RAVE ON – "Western Maine’s Only Music Magazine" – for nearly fifteen years, and has reviewed (and counseled) nearly every western Maine band during that time. While he is mostly favorable to the local talent (to a fault sometimes), there is one artist who he consistently butts heads with – Bob Timmins, formerly of THE BOB TIMMINS BAND and current frontman for TIMMINS. The two have battled back and forth over any variety of things, and it’s strictly personal at this point. In fact, Bob Timmins is the person who humiliated Perry into trying to play his own music. Perry responded by forming Perry Shepherd and the PerryScopes, who have experienced a slight amount of local success. The power of standing onstage and finally making music instead of merely reviewing it has gone straight to Perry’s head. He now considers himself to be a full-on Rock God, even though his band struggles to draw more than fifty people to any given gig.
SPEISER, JERRY: The Australian drummer for 80’s band Men At Work. He has never actually been to western Maine but was victim of an impersonator scandal in mid-2000. The impostor claiming to be Speiser came to western Maine and bilked people out of money and possessions.
TIMMINS, BOB: One of the more enduring figures in the western Maine musical community. Bob Timmins was the former lead singer and guitarist for THE BOB TIMMINS BAND, a local bar band who floundered in obscurity throughout the late 80s and early 90s. The band called it a day in 1989 but a reformed version of the band surprised everybody by topping the "Best Band" category in the RAVE ON 2000 Reader’s Poll. The surge of popularity also served to fuel Bob’s ego – he promptly fired the Bob Timmins Band, dumped his wife Rhonda for a pretentious local artist and headed to New York in a failed attempt to "make it big." Timmins came back to western Maine ready to prove his worth by staging a theatrical-operatic interpretation of his still-unrecorded triple-disc concept album PORTRAITS. The dates flopped horribly, driving Timmins into bankruptcy and public humiliation. Timmins tried to fake his own death with the intent of framing PERRY SHEPARD, his long-time nemesis on the grounds of murder. The scheme backfired and Timmins is currently in jail awaiting trial.
THE BOB TIMMINS BAND: A local bar-band started in the late 1980’s by guitarist-singer BOB TIMMINS. The band broke up in 1989 but was reformed by Bob Timmins in 1999, whereupon they shocked everyone by topping the "Best Band" category in the RAVE ON 2000 Readers Poll. Timmins left the band to form TIMMINS, a largely unsuccessful solo project. On the other hand, THE BOB TIMMINS BAND replaced their departed frontman with Ronny Johnson from TOP FLIGHT and became legitimately successful overnight. The band instantly attracted major label attention and signed with Elektra. They recorded their debut album in November with Don Gehman producing.
TOP FLIGHT: A five-piece western Maine band that once ruled the scene but have since fallen on hard times. Bassist/singer Ronny Johnston left the group to front the reformed BOB TIMMINS BAND. The band promptly fell apart, with all the remaining members filing a battery of lawsuits against each other.
VELNDONOM, CLAUDE: Sixty year-old construction magnate, owner of Velndonom Construction, Inc. Multi-millionaire who has decided to become a force in the entertainment industry by bankrolling a number of western Maine-related artistic endeavors: RAVE ON magazine, Stereolaffs Records, his remake of the motion picture ROADHOUSE (now called LIGHTHOUSE). As shrewd as Claude is in the boardroom, he is equally as weak in matters of the heart – he has a history of hooking up with any number of hot 20 year-old bikini models who invariably cheat on him and bleed him financially. Claude’s latest undertaking was his successful campaign for Commissioner of Western Maine. Some say he won the election due to the fact that he lorded his control of the water supply over his constituents, and those people probably are living a water-free life right now.
VELNDONOM, MIKE: Twenty-something grandson of Claude Velndonom and your prototypical backwards-baseball-cap-wearing, extreme-sports-loving asshole. Mike launched the Stereolaffs record label at the bequest of his grandfather – the first release was ROCK ROT AND RULE. A follow-up release by Rory Blake, "The King of Toilet Radio" (Toilet Tunes, Vol 1) was seized by Taiwanese customs officials due to obscenity violations. Mike Velndonom went to Taiwan to clear up matters but has gone missing – presumably lost in a hangliding accident. A rescue mission by Major Bradford Larkinson failed to locate Mike. His whereabouts are still unknown.
VERMONT ELECTRIC GUITAR: A Rutland VT-based music paper that many consider to be RAVE ON magazine’s biggest rival.
WESTERN MAINE CLUB SCENE: Rock and roll is alive and well in such venues as The Borderline Brew Pub, Chowder Town, Spanky's, Ray's Clam Palace, Lobster Lance's, Sutter's Saloon and Stoney's.
WHHK: Western Maine’s most popular local station, WHHK 99.7 has been subject to a ton of format changes over the last few years. The station is currently called "Lutheran Folk 99.7".